Dear Ms. SpareTheRod

Sometimes my kids bug me. Here are two things they do that drive me crazy. Luke, my 18month old son, likes apples. He likes to bite off chunks and then spit fire them all over my home. He never swallows. It's gross. It's unsanitary. It's a waste. Isabella, my 4year old daughter, likes to wipe her face clean with the sleeve of her shirt. All her clothes have chocolate or blackberry jam stains from elbow to wrist. I'm pretty sure they need to stop these undesirable behaviours if they want to develop into high functioning, competent, productive members of society. What should I do?

please say it's okay to spank them,
It's not my Fault



Dear Your Fault,
It seems that you've got a real problem. And you're it. If your son never actually eats the apples you offer why do you leave him unsupervised with them? hmmm? It doesn't matter how cute he sounds singing his apple song, don't give him any apples. Never leave him alone with one- not only will he apple sauce your home, he could choke and die. About your daughter, this issue is a little more difficult. I suspect she wipes up with her sleeve because you do too. You had better mend your ways missy, then your daughter will follow suit. In the interim, try using Spray and Wash and learning to pre-soak. Perhaps you should avoid feeding your children Oreos and Cheetos and cherry lollipops all day. My final word of advice- violence never solves anything. Don't spank your kids.
regards,
Ms. SpareTheRod